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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Shlomi Fish's Home Site's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, August 20th, 2016
6:49 pm
[shlomif]
D&D Cartoon and New Humour Resources

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

1. A new D&D-themed cartoon of comparing horse lances is now available in the art section.

2. There is a new humour bit called “The song ‘Wide Awake’ by Katy Perry is Evil.

3. A new collection of factoids, about Windows Update is now available:

• Windows Update doesn’t.

• Aesop originally wanted to write his fable as “The Hare and Windows Update” instead of “The Hare and the Tortoise” but could not figure out how the hare will ever lose to Windows Update, even despite him not taking the race seriously.

4. I have now concentrated the tech tips from my blogs on one page on the site for easy lookup and searching.

5. There is a new technical tutorial called C and C++ Elements to Avoid.

6. There is a new list of database implementations.

7. We now mirror the humorous items “What if people bought cars like they bought computers?” and “What if drivers were hired like programmers?”.

8. There are new Chuck Norris factoids:

• The Klingon warriors’ motto is “It’s a good day to die.” Chuck Norris’s motto is “It’s a good day to kill.”

• Chuck Norris saved Paradise in order to destroy it.

9. The version control repository was moved to new location on GitHub and we run the build and tests using a Travis-CI continuous integration service. Part of the motivation for the switch to GitHub was because the continuous integration services offered for Bitbucket did not seem as comprehensive or easy as Travis-CI.

Hope you enjoy all that!

Current Mood: happy
Thursday, September 3rd, 2015
9:49 pm
[shlomif]
“HTML 6” and a List of Graphics Applications

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

1. A new bit “Announcing ‘HTML 6’, the New Version of the Web” was published on 1 April 2015:

1 April, 2015, Tel Aviv, Israel: Today, the World Wide Web Consortium (W3C) announced the immediate availability of the new version of the web — HTML 6 — pronounced “HTML Sicks [sic]” with the motto “HTML 6 is sick!”. “We concluded that the previous version of the World Wide Web’s standards suite, HTML5, has exceeded its flexibility and usability, and we need to start over”, said Tim Berners-Lee, the director of the W3C.

2. There’s a new list of “Alternative” commercial models for Web-based commerce that do not involve intrusive advertising.

3. There’s a new list of graphics software applications.

4. We now mirror funroll-loops.info (“Gentoo is Rice”), and the old feature “How to Make Square Corners with CSS”, which disappeared from the Web.

5. There are new factoids in the collections of factoids about people and thing:

A rose by a name picked by Chuck Norris, will smell sweeter.

The reason the Messiah has not come yet, is because Chuck Norris keeps finding faults in God’s plan for his coming.

6. There are new quotes in the collection of Aphorisms:

Some people grow older and wiser. Not I. I grow older and more foolish.

Hope you enjoy all that, and if you’re Jewish, I hope you enjoy the upcoming Rosh Hashanah and the rest of the Jewish Autumn holidays.

Current Mood: productive
Sunday, October 5th, 2014
3:35 pm
[shlomif]
Emma Watson’s Visit to Israel&Gaza ; “So, Who the Hell is Qoheleth?”

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

1. “Emma Watson’s Visit to Israel and Gaza” is a work-in-progress Real Person fiction screenplay which aims to bring Shalom to the turbulent Gaza Strip/Israel border:

Waitress: I hope you’re having a good time, ah…

EmWatson: Emma… Emma Watson!

Waitress: Oh! I heard about you, naturally. Are you gonna threaten me with a wand? Heh!

EmWatson: A wand… yes, the bane of my existence. I’m thinking of collecting money for a public campaign to convert the weapon most associated with me to something more menacing.

Waitress: Don’t you have enough money for that?

EmWatson: No, not enough! Heh. And money isn’t everything.

Waitress: So you’re not playing in films for money?

EmWatson: Playing in films for money? Of course not! What a preposterous idea.

Waitress: Ah, nice.

EmWatson: I’m playing in films for a shitload of money!

2. “So, who the Hell is Qoheleth?” - is a new illustrated screenplay that tells what I imagine to have happened to the author of the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes / Qoheleth shortly after he has written it. The timing is appropriate because Ecclesiastes is being read during the upcoming Sukkot Jewish holiday.

Josephus: Anyway, can you share some details about your trip? I never ventured a long way past Damascus.

Athena: Sure! It was very interesting. Most interesting.

Athena: We travelled with our own people and some Greek merchants, all the way to Athens, and there we hitchhiked a ride with some Assyrian merchants, hoping it will get us closer to Alexandria. There were some guards escorting us, and at one point they disarmed us and threatened us at sword’s point to have sex with them or else they'll kill us and take all our possessions.

Josephus: Wow! Rape. So what did you do?

Athena: Well, we consulted between ourselves and after a long while of being really scared, we calmed down a little, and decided that if we are forced to have sex, we might as well cooperate and try to enjoy it. So we told them that we’ll do it willingly and they agreed.

Josephus: How clever of you! And then what happened.

Athena: Well, the three of us and her lover each found their own part of the woods, and we had sex. Then, after one or two times, the three men all lost stamina, while we were not completely satisfied and cried for more!

[ Josephus laughs. ]

Alexis: Yes! Then we heard each other’s cries and we gathered at one place together still naked with our clothes as cover, and we bitched about the whole situation - in Greek - and the men stood there ashamed.

Athena: Yes! Anyway, we continued as couples throughout the trip and the men got better in love making as time went by, and they also taught us a little Aramaic. Then we arrived at the junction - they wanted to go to Assyria, and we wanted to head more south, and then all the 6 of us were completely emotional and offered each other to escort them on the way, so we won’t part, but we eventually cared enough about the others to let them go on their own way.

Josephus: Wow! That sounds like love.

Athena: Love! Yes! That’s the word. Eros in action.

3. A new essay A #SummerNSA’s Reading has been added for summarising the concentrated “#SummerNSA” / Summerschool at the NSA effort during the summer of 2014.

4. There are new factoids in the Facts Collection:

“Talk Like a Pirate Day” is the only day of the year when Chuck Norris only talks like a pirate, and does not actually act like one.

On Yom Kippur (= the Jewish Day of Atonement), Chuck Norris forgives God for his sins.

Chuck Norris once refactored a 10 million lines C++ program and was done by lunch time. It then took Summer Glau 5 minutes to write the equivalent Perl 10-liner.

5. There are some new captioned images and aphorisms:

Every Mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame Street!

6. The screenplay Buffy: A Few Good Slayers has some new scenes:

[ Faith is teaching Becky and the rest of the class how to throw knives. ]

Faith: Becky, it’s nice that you hit the mark three times in succession, but you’re not always holding the knife correctly.

Becky: OK, Ms. Harris. Can you show me how to do that again? [She prepares her phone.]

Faith: OK, here goes.

[ Cut to the bullseye - three knives hit it quickly. ]

Faith: How´s that?

Becky: That’s very nice, but as my mobile‘s video demonstrates, you didn’t hold the knife “correctly” (in quotes) once.

Faith: Let me see. [She watches the video.] Oh crap.

Faith: Becky, Becky… you have a lot of potential. You’re more than a pretty face.

Becky: Heh, I knew that I have potential, but do you really think I have a pretty face?

Faith: If my opinion as a straight, married, woman, matters, I think you do.

Becky: Thanks, Ms. Harris.

Faith: OK, class dismissed. Please try to practise at your free time, we’re going to have a test soon.

[ The students rise up and leave. ]

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, September 7th, 2014
7:50 pm
[shlomif]
Muppets ; Emma Watson Tech Interview ; New Aphorisms and Factoids

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

1. The set of screenplays “The Muppet Show: The Next Incarnation” is me taking the initiative for writing screenplays for a new incarnation of The Muppet Show. Currently, there’s a mostly complete episode with Chuck Norris and Summer Glau as two ruthless Grammar Nazis, another incomplete episode hosting some of the characters of Harry Potter, and a preliminary-stages episode with Jennifer Lawrence (crossing Silver Linings Playbook, The Hunger Games, and her personal life).

### “Meet Chuck”

[ The Muppet Show Theatre backstage. Kermit and Fozzy are there.

ChuckN enters through the door. ]

ChuckN: Thank you, Kermit. You can learn more about me from my 500-page autobiography, which took me an hour to write, and from the comprehensive book of Factoids about me, of which I wrote every one.

Fozzy: Funny! Funny!

ChuckN: Indeed. Anyway, I invited a friend of mine, who is even crazier than I am, to join us.

Kermit: Really, who is this crazy guy?

ChuckN: Actually, it’s a crazy girl.

[ SGlau jumps from above the frame to the upper row and then down to where Kermit and Fozzy are standing. Applause. She is wearing a grey, military-style vest with a zipper at the front. ]

Kermit: Oh, nice to see you here, Ms. Glau.

SGlau: Shut up, Mr. Frog! I’m here on a mission from the Grammar God. Herr Norris and I are loyal servants of Grammar Nazism, which aims to unite Grammar Europe under the reign of the Third Grammar Reich.

ChuckN and SGlau: [in unison] Hail Grammar!

[ Miss Piggy is walking along the upper row with a fellow pig. ]

Miss Piggy: Well, I don’t think that Miss Mousy is prettier than me.

[ A shot sounds and Miss Piggy's hat is blown away. Cut to SGlau, who is holding a gun in her left hand. ]

SGlau: That was a warning shot, Fräulein Piggy. For your information, it should be “is prettier than I”.

ChuckN and SGlau: [in unison] Hail Grammar!

SGlau: Let’s go.

SGlau: By the way, herr Frog: it is not that hard to be green.

[ They go out of the frame. ]

2. “Emma Watson getting interviewed for a software developer job”: there is now an ongoing campaign to make that bit CC-by, so please pledge money if possible. Furthermore, I started adding a “What other people are saying” section:

• «I would not hire Emma Watson. She’d be good for employee morale, but she’d also be too distracting.» - osoleve on Freenode’s ##programming.

• «I think we would hire Emma Watson on looks alone. :)» — glange on Freenode’s #objectivism.

3. There are several new aphorisms (some along with captioned images) in the Aphorisms and Quotes page. One of them is «A woman is a lady even if she is or was a porn actress or a prostitute. Treat her with respect, be honest to her — be a gentleman.», which is relevant to the recent celebrity photo leak.

4. There are new humorous facts in the collection of factoids:

• Emma Watson does not have 10 years of experience in developing Enterprise Java software. However, she has over 10 years of experience in getting shit done - well, on schedule, and at a reasonable cost.

• Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.

• Xena the Warrior Princess has not met Chuck Norris yet, or otherwise he would have been badly and permanently injured. (Inspired by ZadYree).

5. There’s a new collection of fortune cookies with quotes from the sitcom The Big Bang Theory.

6. There are also new quotes in the Fortune Cookie/Quote collection:

• rindolf: thecha: hi, what's up?
• thecha: not much. I am running my trisquel gnu/linux from an usb now
• thecha: and you?
• rindolf: thecha: I've been redditting and twittering.
• rindolf: thecha: and I went on a walk now.
• pulse: hi rindolf
• rindolf: thecha: I met a father with two children. he scolded them.
• rindolf: thecha: I asked him for their names and he said "why does it matter?" :-(
• rindolf: pulse: hi.
• rindolf: I also saw a lady sitting on a bench with two Pekinese dogs - one male and one female.
• rindolf: they barked at me.
• rindolf: Maybe she was afraid of me (their owner I mean).
• ezrios: dogs bark at everything
• rindolf: I also saw some bird watchers in the park earlier in the morning.
• rindolf: ezrios: some dogs are amazingly calm.
• rindolf: ezrios: I once met a huge Caucasian Shepherd dog who was less than one years old and called "Rambo" who was super-calm.
• rindolf: His owner was also very friendly.
• ezrios: a super-calm Rambo eh
• epitamizor: cool story bro
• rindolf: They say the dog and its owner resemble each other.
• rindolf: epitamizor: every story is cool with the right attitude.
• rindolf: ezrios: yes , amazing.
• rindolf: ezrios: Rambo was the epitome of a tough all powerful super-muscular anti-geeky warrior/action-hero.
• rindolf: ezrios: but the fact of the matter is that the best combat warriors in the world are: 1. Not very muscular. 2. Geeks.
• rindolf: http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/philosophy/putting-all-cards-on-the-table-2013/DocBook5/putting-all-cards-on-the-table-2013/best_warriors.html
• thecha: ok i will try
• thecha: the dog probably ws being agressive because the owners mood was affecting him
• thecha: the owner probably was being hostile so the dog followed suit
• thecha: and the guy with the kids should have just said the names isntead of being a dick about it
• thecha: you go for walks often?
• rindolf: thecha: yes, I go for walks a lot.
• rindolf: thecha: yes, this father should learn some things after fatherhood.
• rindolf: thecha: the children were nice.
• rindolf: Oh! and on the way upstairs there was a very young boy with a toy gun and I pretended to wage an imaginary war with him. He enjoyed it.
• thecha: rindolf-> who won the imaginary shoot out?
• rindolf: thecha: he did I think.
• rindolf: thecha: I let him win.
• rindolf: thecha: he seemed to have enjoyed it.
• rindolf: thecha: children can be so smart.
• pulse: i don't think age has anything to do with smartness
• rindolf: thecha: and it helped brighten my day.
• rindolf: pulse: yes.
• rindolf: pulse: I have actually grown smarter with age.
• pulse: i've grown wiser. not much smarter
• rindolf: pulse: ah.
• rindolf: pulse: what's your distinction?
• rindolf: pulse: I've grown wiser too.
• pulse: smart is the ability to calculate things fast
• pulse: wise is the ability to live your life ;)
• rindolf: pulse: there are more parameters to intelligence than doing fast calculations.
• pulse: i guess there's certain correlation between the two
• rindolf: pulse: yes.
• pulse: i know. there's different types of intelligence
• pulse: but most types boil down to two things. calculations and speed
• rindolf: pulse: ah. IQ?
• pulse: any kind of intelligence
• pulse: IQ is a sort of generalization of all types
• rindolf: pulse: see https://twitter.com/shlomif/status/495252148775436288 - «Forget #IQ! #Sloppy → #Confident → #Smart!! #TeamGrimmie #confidence #competence #PublishOrPerish»
• pulse: but it's also stupid
• pulse: rindolf, hmm
• pulse: what am i supposed to see there :P
• pulse: i still don't know how twitter works
• pulse: what are those hashtags supposed to be
• pyon: rindolf: Meh, sloppiness is just sloppiness.
• pyon: rindolf: One can be flexible without lowering one's own standards.
• thecha: rindolf you can't let the enemy win
• rindolf: thecha: yes, bring the Delta Team with Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stalone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and.. Summer Glau (!♥:-)) against this boy.
• rindolf: there shall be blood tonight!
• ssta: you really are obsessed with this Summer Glau
7. Navigation blocks, similar to the ones on Wikipedia (e.g: “Template:Star Trek” have been added to some of the pages (like here.

8. I have a new Résumé as a writer and entertainer, which is very short.

9. My essay “Putting all the Cards on the Table (2013)” has been updated and is now available in several different formats, including a one HTML-page-per-section document, an EPUB ebook, and a PDF file.

10. My personal ad (= “I’m looking for a girlfriend”) was heavily updated - it’s currently in English only.

11. Many new scenes have been added to the screenplay “Buffy - a Few Good Slayers”:

### With Buffy

Becky: Of course, everyone knows that Buffy is better than Chuck . He’s been secretly fighting against her, and so far has lost all of those battles.

Cliff: Yeah, and her gaze can turn Medusa into stone!

Chankey: Buffy Summers is not afraid of demons. Demons are afraid of her, and for a very good reason.

Buffy’s voice: Buffy Summers is always there when people are spreading untrue hyperboles about her.

Cliff: Oh, hello Ms. Summers.

[ Buffy approaches them from a different aisle in the library. ]

Buffy: Hello, kids.

Cliff: By the way, what is your post-marriage name?

Buffy: It’s “Summers”. Angel and I are both called that. He didn’t find his original family name usable in this day and age, so he adopted mine. His original name was very aristocratic, and he is actually a direct male descendent of Charlemagne.

Becky: Ooh… so you are now Milady de Summers? Awesome!

Buffy: Heh, well, it is Faith that has an unnatural obsession with Milady de Winter — not me.

Buffy: In any case, for your information, I fought against Chuck Norris several times and lost all the battles. In fact, that was part of the catalyst that made us realise that slayers were only humans and that men can be equally as capable slayers as women. You will hopefully get a chance to meet and even fight against Mr. Norris sometime throughout the school year.

Becky: I see. So, Ms. Summers, what are you doing here in the library?

Buffy: I’m looking for a book I misplaced.

Buffy: No, about cooking. A cookbook from the late 60s with a nice spinach, Broccoli and cheese casserole.

Becky: [Types a few things on the keyboard.] Ms. Summers, I was able to find a recipe for a casserole like that from that era.

Buffy: Let me see. [Looks] Wow! Looks great. Becky, you've got a lot of potential as a slayer.

Becky: Why, thank you!

Cliff: Bleh! [He puts his head in his hands.]

Current Mood: Calm
Wednesday, July 9th, 2014
8:17 am
[shlomif]
Buffy - a Few Good Slayers; Summer Glau and Emma Watson Facts; and More

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

1. Buffy - a Few Good Slayers is a new Buffy fanfic screenplay based in a forked branch of the Buffyverse.

[ Text on the screen: Sunnydale High School Orientation Day ; Sunnydale ; California

First few chords of Miley Cyrus’ “Party In The U.S.A”. Rebecca “Becky” Shepherd is shown walking in the high school lobby listening to the song playing from her smartphone that is tucked on her belt. She is wearing a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic shirt, and has a name tag that reads "Rebecca Shepherd (Slayer)". ]

Cliff: Yo, Brony girl, stop!

Becky: Hey, sorry for not paying attention [she pauses the music]. What’s up?

Cliff: Chankey here [points at Chankey] and I are looking for a slayer to complete our team. You don’t seem exactly like slayer-material, but since all the other slayers we talked with were taken, I guess we should settle on you.

[ Becky smiles. ]

Becky: Sure, I’d love to be team with you. Let’s register.

[ She uses her smartphone to register. ]

Becky: OK, done.

Chankey: [in an English accent] Smashing!

Becky: Chankey, is it? Are you British?

Chankey: Yes, Miss Shepherd.

Chankey: Yes, well, I am of Indian descent and carry an Indian name. I have photographic memory, and did extremely well in my studies. I was supposed to start studying in Harrow School (the notorious public school, or what you Americans will call a “private school”) because I had many friends there, but then became aware of some demonic activity in Greater London, and was indoctrinated as a watcher-wannabe here.

Chankey: I don’t have any friends here.

Becky: [Grabbing his hand.] I’m sure you’ll make some.

Chankey: Yes.

2. There are new pages with some factoids about Summer Glau and with factoids about Emma Watson:

• Summer Glau does not have to hurt you if she doesn't want to. Chuck Norris kills everyone in sight.

• Summer Glau can lead a horse to water, and then it will drink out of its own volition.

Some photos were also added to the facts pages to spice them up.

3. There’s a new feature about “Emma Watson getting interviewed for a software developer job”.

4. How to Get Help Online is a new feature about where and how to get help online. It has a 2014 edition.

5. The old page, “Stop Using Internet Explorer!” now has a note as being deprecated and a page with some essential updates

Not only is Rindolf an evil Reindeer but he is the notorious insane tyrant and mass-murderer, Rindolf “Aim Very High” Hitlower. As you may have guessed, people said that my nickname “Rindolf” reminded them of “Adolf Hitler”, and even though I was offended by it for a long time, I eventually decided to take it to my advantage too. Recently (Late June, 2014) I’ve told people that I decided that in my personal and professional life, I will aim very high in the hope that I will hit the aim or perhaps a little lower, and so settled on this nickname.

Current Mood: productive
Monday, November 11th, 2013
11:59 am
[shlomif]
E-mail Netiquette Resources, New Software, and BertycoX’s Music

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

1. There are some new factoids in the factoids pages, and many of them now have a Hebrew translation:

• Chuck Norris does not keep any numbers on his mobile phone’s address book. Instead, he memorised the entire phone directory.

• For all you know, you may not exist, and Chuck Norris convinced you that you do.

2. There’s a new section with some articles about E-mail netiquette.

3. The Hebrew version of “The Case for Drug Legalisation” is now at its third version, and was converted to DocBook 5/XML.

5. There are new pages with Links against Adobe Flash and Links against TIOBE - The Test Index of Programming Languages’ Popularity.

6. I have placed the music of BertycoX (originally from Jamendo) online.

7. There’s a new page about “In the Event of My Death”.

8. I’ve placed a very old snapshot of my home site (from 1998) online in a kind of Nostalgia.

Friday, April 26th, 2013
7:45 pm
[shlomif]
New Story: The Earth Angel; Soviet reversal jokes; new text in The Pope and in Selina Mandrake; “Put

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

1. There is a new story titled The Earth Angel which I have started to write:

Dr. Alan Stein (Attn.) had not seen that side of Samantha before. As they sat there in the Chinese restaurant, two days before Ari, their system administrator, left for a trip to Israel, Samantha was emitting a lot of profanity, and sharing her frustrations of her life and the world. Dr. Stein was beginning to regret the fact that he had agreed to comply with Ari’s wishes, and invite her to lunch with them.

Samantha Rodriguez was the newest hire at Alan’s law firm - a brilliant attorney in her early thirties, who looked great, was always groomed, and got a lot of work done, despite the fact that she almost never stayed overtime, and also took many days off. One fly in the ointment was the fact that she was single, sexy, and kept asking her co-workers out on dates, or accepting their own invitations. As much as Dr. Stein agreed that she had been a good hire, he was desperately trying to avoid interacting with her.

“Anyway, I ended up telling my friend, Jasmine, who can be a real bitch sometimes, to fuck off, and deal with her troubled life herself. I simply ran out of patience.” she said.

“Bravo!” Ari said while clapping his hands. “By the way, Samantha, how did you become a lawyer?”

“Oh, that's a long story.” she said while playing with her fork.

“And we’ve got time to hear it, right Mr. Stein?”

“Yes, I guess we do.” Dr. Stein answered.

“Well, I studied Linguistics as my B.A.,” Samantha said “and by the time I graduated, my head was filled with vocabulary, and to a lesser extent - grammatical rules, my heart was broken from many heartbreaks, and I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life. I ended up narrowing it to three options: 1. Find a paying job - as a programmer or whatever else I could land. 2. Stay in the academia, studying for a Masters and/or a Ph.D. and — 3. Go to law school. I figured out fucking Med School was never my thing.”

“Anyway, after consulting it with my friends, I became even less capable of knowing what to do. So I did the logical thing - I rolled a die.”

“A die?” Ari said.

“Yes, a ten-sided die or a 1d10 in role-playing game parlance. That’s usually what I use. It landed on the law school option, so that’s what I decided to pursue.” Samantha said.

“So, you placed your fate in the hand of chance?” Ari asked

“Yes, I did. Nothing wrong with doing that, if you ask me.”

“Well, everyone say you are an excellent attorney.” Ari noted.

“So they do.” Samantha said, “Maybe they are right.”

2. The translation of the already written part of my story, The Pope Died on Sunday is now complete:

Rachel contemplated how to start the conversation.

“So how did you become an infrastructures engineer?” Rachel asked.

“Well, ever since I was young, I wanted to be a plumber.” Greg replied.

“A plumber? Seriously?” Rachel said with astonishment.

“Yes. Very strange, but what can I do — that is what I wanted to be.” Greg said, “I spent a large part of the summer vacations being an apprentice for plumbers and enjoyed every moment. Anyway, after I graduated from high school, I was planning to go through a plumbing training course and to get my qualification. But my father approached me and told me: ‘Greg, my son, I have, thank God, enough money so you study what you want in university. So why not exploit that? If you want, you can become a plumber who graduated from university.’”

And he went on: “So I agreed with him, but decided to study the closest thing to plumbing: civil engineering with a specialisation in the engineering of water and sewerage infrastructures. And surprisingly I realised that a large part of it was quite interesting.”

“So did you become a qualified plumber eventually?” Rachel queried.

“Yes, I passed the course. But I still got a Bachelor’s degree in civil engineering and that’s what I prefer to do.”

“Hmmm…” Rachel said “Finding a good plumber in this day and age, to say nothing of one who is a university graduate, is hard.”

“Well, I cannot testify that I’m a good plumber. A person cannot testify for his own qualities.” Greg replied.

“Well, even a bad plumber is good enough for certain needs.” said Rachel and witnessed Greg bursting into laughter.

3. There are some new or extended scenes in Selina Mandrake - The Slayer:

[ Selina is sitting next to her computer at home with Firefox browsing the Hebrew Wikipedia. She keeps highlighting words and hovering over them to find translations using a Firefox extension.

There is a signal, and the Pidgin icon in the status bar starts blinking. Selina clicks it. ]

Mosheh Ben-Amram: [on IM] Hello, Selina! How are you doing, today?

Selina: I’m fine. Trying to contribute to the Hebrew Wikipedia. These Affixes are driving me crazy.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Heh, עברית קשה שפה, but there are worse.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: האם את מדברת עברית? [= “Do you speak Hebrew?”]

Selina: Qtsath, or as new speakers will say Qetsath. Heh.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Yes, one of the first words you have to learn to say, and it’s already a Shibboleth.

Selina: Emeth. [= "True."]

Selina: BTW, are you actually Mosheh Ben-Amram (= Moses) the Hebrew prophet?

Mosheh Ben-Amram: I won’t deny that I am.

Selina: Hah!

4. I added a page of “In Soviet Russia” factoids:

• In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere.

• In Soviet Russia, superstition believe in you. (Sawyer X)

• In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU! (Leuthihi)

5. “Freecell Solver Enterprises™ Acquires Google Inc.” - a breaking news story published on 1 April 2013:

1 April, 2013, Tel Aviv, Israel: Due to the spectacular commercial success of Freecell Solver Enterprises™’s Enterprise Edition and its Webscale™ edition, we have amassed quite a bit of cash in the bank, so we decided to make a small but important strategical acquisition. As a result, Freecell Solver Enterprises™ is proud to announce its upcoming acquisition of Google Inc., which will result in an exciting synergic merger.

Some of the upcoming changes would be replacing Google’s tech support (which is notoriously bad) by Freecell Solver Enterprises™’s world-famous and superb tech support (as detailed in the essay “Seven steps to remarkable customer service” by Joel on Software), as well as integrating Google search into Freecell Solver™ for an enhanced experience in solving Freecell. We are also planning on creating a separate YouTube top-level category for card Solitaire-related videos (including screencasts and presentations).

Another one is “Announcing New Israeli Usergroups”.

6. There are some new sections in my essay “Putting all the Cards on the Table (2013)”:

During the Middle Ages, the apprentices of craftsmen graduated to become masters, and started their own shops, at a much younger age than 18. Today, most people graduate from high school at that age, and are expected to remain disadvantaged until then. There isn’t a good reason why the youth of today should not be able to make useful contributions to arts, sciences, philosophy, and entertainment, despite their young age and inexperience.

Here are some examples:

1. Dmitri Gaskin is a core developer of both jQuery and Drupal and gave a talk about jQuery on Google Tech Talks, while being 12 years old.

2. Maria Aragon was 10 years old when she was recorded performing a cover of Lady Gaga’s song “Born This Way”, which has received over 50 million views on YouTube as of April 2013 (and which I like better than the original).

3. Much previously, Samantha Smith changed the fate of the cold war, when being 10 years old, by the simple act of writing a letter.

4. In the 18th century, Carl Friedrich Gauss started making important contributions to mathematics from a very early age.

Our contemporary culture sort of expects kids (what Americans refer to as children, “pre-teens”, and “teenagers”) to remain “innocent”, naïve and inexperienced, and immature, and, as a result, most of them behave accordingly.

7. The abstract to my yet unwritten novella “The Road to Heaven is Paved With Bad Attentions” is now partly translated to English.

8. There are new quotes in the collection of Unix-like fortune cookies:

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You are in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

9. Many meaningful <meta name="description" /> tags were added to the pages to help with the descriptions in search engine results.

10. I added a set of links to all the pages referring to my online presence elsewhere on the web, such as Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, YouTube and Reddit.

Current Mood: happy
Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
8:33 pm
[shlomif]
New on Shlomi Fish’s Homepage: Summerschool at the NSA the screenplay + New Factoids

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. This time, the highlight is some interesting new content.

1. Summerschool at the NSA, subtitled “As the sling shoots, grown-up men will sob”, is a screenplay, which I completed and is in a usable condition. The Hollywood actresses Sarah Michelle Gellar (of Buffy fame) and Summer Glau (of xkcd notability) conspire to kick the ass of the NSA (= the United States government’s National Security Agency), while using special warfare that is completely non-violent:

[ Black screen, SMG’s (= Sarah Michelle Gellar’s) voice, while emulating her daughter. ]

SMG: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a great fall. And all the King's horses, and all the King's men could not put Humpty together again.

[ Screen showing SGlau (= Summer Glau) laughing. SMG and she are sitting at a diner together. ]

SGlau: [Stops laughing.] Oh my God, Sarah, your daughter’s so smart.

SMG: And… funny!

SGlau: Yes. Well, what does she like aside from Mother Goose?

SMG: Oh, she loves My Little Pony. She and I watch it almost every week together.

SGlau: Wow, you're a pega-sister, too?

SMG: I'm not addicted to My Little Pony. I swear! I can quit any time. Just let me watch one… more… episode. [giggles]

SGlau: Hah, hah. For your information, my My Little Pony addicts’ support group meets every second and fourth Saturday of the month, and I am currently at step five of our twelve step program.

SMG: Sounds like a plan. I'll consider joining.

2. There are brand new factoids page of Clarissa Darling Facts (from the old Television show Clarissa Explains It All) as well as new Buffy facts and Chuck Norris facts in the factoids collection:

• Tomorrow never dies, unless Chuck Norris volunteers to take it out of its misery.

• The Chuck Norris of the Buffyverse, has been secretly training under Buffy’s supervision, and so far - lost every battle with her.

• Clarissa Darling can start from “I think therefore I am” and prove that the grass is green, that there are about 365 days in a year, and that Isaac Newton formulated the Law of Gravitation back in 1687.

3. I added a page about my nickname, “Rindolf” and its etymology, as well as about Rindolfism, which is my philosophy.

4. There are some new quotes in the UNIX-like fortune cookies’ collections:

I recall discussing Buffy with a Jewish American friend, who used to be secular, and now has become an observant Jew, and married a woman who properly converted to Orthodox Judaism, and they have some children. We discussed the fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar was Jewish, and yet that many men (and some Lesbian women) were more attracted to Alyson Hannigan’s character, Willow Rosenberg, who was a shy and sheepish, redhead, Jewess. Then when I mentioned that Hannigan was only a maternal Jew, he said she is “kosher” (because someone whose mother is Jewish and who did not convert to a different religion, is a bona-fide Jew). I found it amusing that you refer to women by the same word as you do to food, but I think the ancient Hebrew word "kasher" also means "approved", "appropriate", "legal", etc.

In any case, both Hannigan and Gellar are now married, and so trying to separate between them and their husbands is not kosher. ;-)

5. Finally, the main navigation menu sports a new and more usable CSS style thanks to the great work of Joe Crawford. Thanks, Joe!

Current Mood: happy
Saturday, March 23rd, 2013
9:28 pm
[shlomif]
New on Shlomi Fish’s Homepage: Selina Mandrake, NSA/Buffy/Chuck Norris facts, Yachar's Music

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. This time, the highlight is a lot of interesting new content.

1. I have started writing a comprehensive essay titled “Putting all the Cards on the Table (2013)”, which is also syndicated as a blog post on my Unarmed but Still Dangerous blog. Here is the abstract for it:

What is the problem with the Technion and why is it graver in M.I.T., and why you should watch the film Silver Linings Playbook to realise why it's not a problem? Why was the David who fought Goliath a hacker, and what is the difference between a tragic hero and an action hero? What was the second major battle that Chuck Norris lost? What are the machines that can give us questions (and lots of them)? Why not exerting a mental effort will make matters go from bad to worse? Who was the Jennifer Lawrence of Web 1.0? And what were my two greatest mistakes, which you should not duplicate?

I got tired of truly intellectual people like me speaking in riddles all the time and kinda lying to themselves and to others in their artworks, and hiding a lot of what they know, so I decided to put all the cards I have now on the table in a big tour-de-force. It's not finished yet, but still usable, and there's more to come. Not a perfect essay, and not for everyone, but imperfect and sweet.

2. There is an ongoing English translation of my old and incomplete story “The Pope Died on Sunday”.

3. Much more text has been added to Selina Mandrake - The Slayer (a Buffy parody) and it is now in a usable condition:

[ There are three young men dressed as Klingons who fight with Bat’leth in the park. Selina is passing by and shakes her head in disapproval. The three notice Selina, and quickly run to her. ]

Warrior #1: Hail The Slayer, we are but your humble slaves!

Selina: [Shocked] And who might you be?

Warrior #1: We are The Three - three vampire brother warriors, who have been fighting since the dawn of time.

Selina: And you are Klingons…

Warrior #2: We can assume any form.

Warrior #1: Yes, we can fight using any weapon, and we are masters of them all.

Selina: so you can fight with something that’s not a Bat’leth?

Warrior #1: Of course, for example, we could fight using the Huge Sword!

Warrior #2 and Warrior #3: Yeah, the Huge Sword!

The Three: [in unison] Huge Sword!

[ Warrior #1 snaps his fingers, and some of these ridiculously large swords from World of Warcraft appear on the ground. ]

Selina: Wow, can you fight using them?

The Three: [non-dramatically] Eh, eh, we cannot lift them.

Selina: Guess not. [Puts her palm on her eyes.] Maybe try something smaller and not as heavy.

4. In addition, there are many enhancements to the section of the page, including a page about who I think should play the characters in the screenplay, and an Ebook available for purchase.

5. There are two new pages with facts about people and things:

1. NSA Facts - about the United States’ National Security Agency:

• The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in the NSA or outside it, knows why they should.

• The more the NSA think, the less they want to be able to think. So they think less and less.

• First the NSA ignores “silly” Internet memes, then they laugh at them, then they are unable to fight them, and then they lose.

2. Facts about Buffy Summers from the Television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

• Buffy will always find a wooden stake to slay vampires, even if it means she will have travelled 100 years back in time, to plant a tree nearby.

Extra additions to these or other collections of facts would be welcome.

6. There's a mirrored bit Freecell Solver™ Goes Webscale.

7. I have placed Yachar’s old music from Jamendo.com on my homepage, because they appear to have been removed from Jamendo.

8. There’s a new page with a partial list of some of my favourite online musicians.

9. The Chuck Norris Facts page contains more facts and translations of some of the facts to Hebrew:

• Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.

• Chuck Norris can make East and West meet.

10. There's a section of reception on the front page of the essay The Eternal Jew with a combined captioned image/meme.

11. I have placed the sources for the stories and screenplays in self-contained distributed version control repositories (DVCS) - mostly on my GitHub account, and they contain mostly self-contained build systems. You can find links to their repositories on their appropriate pages.

Current Mood: accomplished
Friday, December 28th, 2012
9:50 am
[shlomif]
What’s New on Shlomi Fish’s Homepage

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. Most of the work this time was done on the look, feel, and infrastructure of the site, such as the navigation menus, but there is still some new (and hopefully interesting) content. So without further ado, here is what is new:

1. The main navigation menu to the right now comprises of most of the pages that were navigable and previously were present only in the section navigation menus. Since its HTML markup was quite excessive, I decided to load most of the content using an AJAX (= “Asyncrhonous JavaScript And XML” or “XMLHTTPRequest”) fetch of a JSON document, while keeping a smaller subset still usable as plain HTML for browsers with JavaScript disabled and for search engines and other web user agents.

I made sure that the expansion state of the navigation menu is preserved between the pages. Moreover, the much maligned section navigation menus are now hidden by default, but can be enabled using the button and should remember their state between pages.

2. There is a new HTML Tutorial in Hebrew under work. Currently, there is only one section, and some aspects of it are lacking.

3. There is a new list of text processing tools and a list of networking clients in the software resources section.

• Yaakov: I LOVE YOU ALL WITH A GREAT HUGE LOVE
• rindolf: Yaakov: HOW MUCH DOES YOUR GREAT HUGE LOVE COST?
• Yaakov: It's on offer half price today.
• rindolf: Yaakov: I WILL OFFER YOU 200,000 VIRTUAL DOLLARS FOR YOUR GREAT HUGE LOVE.
• Yaakov: The regular price is free of charge.
• rindolf: Yaakov: oh nice.
• * rindolf buys Yaakov's GREAT HUGE LOVE.
• rindolf: I LOVE YOU ALL WITH YAAKOV'S GREAT HUGE LOVE.
5. The third version of my essay “Open source, Free software, and Other Beasts” is now live. It was converted from DocBook 4 to DocBook 5 and greatly enhanced.

6. Also new is the countdown program which is similar to the UNIX sleep command, only displays the amount of time remaining.

7. There’s a new and open source solver for the so-called “Binary Puzzles”. It is still incomplete.

8. There is a new geek song parody (under work) titled “Can I SCO Now?” sang to the music of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s “Can I Go Now?”:

Can I SCO now?
Sue who you wanna sue,
it doesn't matter anyhoo,
it's time to litigate.
Can I SCO Now?
Say what you wanna say,
we don't care anyway,
we're going to inflate.

Can I, can I, SCO now….

9. I now mirror The Fountainhead’s parody “The Fountainhead Starring Skull Force”, whose original link went offline, but which I was able to find a mirror of. Enjoy.

10. Support for the MathJax JavaScript library was added to the pages in the MathVentures section enabling most modern JavaScript-enabled browsers to pretty view the mathematical formulae there.

11. There are some new additions to the original Aphorisms and Quotes page:

The English Wikipedia: now you don’t see it - now you do.

12. I restored the display of the images in my “There are Too Many Ways to Do it” lightning talk.

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
7:15 pm
[shlomif]
What’s New on Shlomi Fish’s Homepage

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. The first item of note is that I implemented an automated test suite for the site, with a test for lack of trailing whitespace, and a spell checking test (powered by Text::Hunspell and Hunspell). The many problems pointed by these checkers were fixed, resulting in a very large patch to review this time.

Aside from the spelling corrections, here are the items of interest:

I added the incomplete geek parody song “I’m the Real Tim Toady”:

We’re going to have two problems here.

jnoakes’ page about Graduate Student Jokes, which I have enjoyed, and which has gone offline, has been restored on the site:

You know you’re a grad student when…

• you can identify universities by their internet domains.
• you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels.
• you have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have footnotes.
• you understand jokes about Foucault.
• the concept of free time scares you.
• you consider caffeine to be a major food group.
• you've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.
• Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird.

A page with a List of Text Processing Tools has been added to the software resources sub-section.

There are new additions to the Aphorisms and quotes collection:

If it isn’t in my E-mail, it doesn’t exist. And if the whole world says one thing and E-mail says another, Email will conquer

(Said to me in a private conversation by an Israeli Linux enthusiast.)

There are also some new quotes in the Chuck Norris Facts page:

Chuck Norris is the reason why the Knights who until Recently Said “Ni”, are no longer saying “Ni”.

Finally, there are some new fortune cookies:

Enjoy!

Current Mood: happy
Thursday, June 14th, 2012
1:18 pm
[shlomif]
New and Updated Material on My Homepage

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. There are quite a few changes this time.

The humorous document “It’s not a Fooware - it’s an Operating System.”, mostly written by me, was restored from the perl.net.au wiki which is currently down:

Lots of people heard Emacs haters complain that “Emacs is not an editor - it’s an operating system” or something along these lines. So here we're trying to concentrate other such programs that are no longer limited only to their original purpose, but rather expanded to cover lots of other stuff. So you'll know that Emacs is not alone.

I also added a a new aphorism:

We agree. But do we agree to agree?

There are some new Factoids:

If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain. If the mountain will not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain will suffer Norris’s wrath for not complying with his whims.

And there are also some new fortune cookies:

• Su-Shee: SO I TURNED TO YOU FOR HELP IN TIMES OF DESPERATION…
• Botje: desperation is for wimps
• anno: prosperation?
• Altreus: deprecation is an outdated concept and we prefer not to do it
• Su-Shee: let’s deprecate deprecation.
• alpha--: agreed.
• alpha--: oh wait.
• Su-Shee: that would be a deprecation
• rindolf: Who will watch the watcher?
• rindolf: Who will deprecate deprecation?
• Su-Shee: shouldn’t someone deprecate the deprecator in that case?
• * rindolf deprecates the deprecator who is deprecating deprecation.
• Altreus: that's OK, it's not deprecated yet

I found many typos in the fifth part of the Perl for Perl Newbies series before and during giving the talk at the Tel Aviv Perl Mongers and also prepared some notes for it in Hebrew (which can be found in the series’s front page).

The Transcript of the Perlcast interview with Tom Limoncelli, about his book Time Management for System Administrators has been restored from the currently offline perl.net.au wiki:

Josh: Getting back to where we had started on that planning your day at the beginning of the day, before you check your email. You claim there, that whenever you're prioritising your activities, you really only need three categories and not, you know, a top-ten list, or anything like that. Could you explain that a little?

Tom Limoncelli: that comes from the fact that I used to try to really be specific about the priorities of my action items. So I put something in my to-do-list, and I'd say well, you know I'm ranking their importance from 0 is not important, and a 100 is the world is going to explode if I don't do it right now. And I spent so much time calculating "Wow, is this more like a 63 or a 67, is it a 67? Wow!". And I just spent so much time trying to get an exact priority. In some cases, the task would have been done already. You know I've spent too much time prioritising.

I'm not sure where I picked this up, but someone recommended three priorities: A - it's due today; B - it's important; and C - everything else. Generally, if it's a day where I have any A's at all - that's all I'll be working on. And the way projects go, I'm generally working on that for the whole day. So that's sort of the exception. Most of the time I'm working on B's, which are things that are important, and C's are sort of those would-be-nice-kind-of-things.

And the nice thing about breaking it into this a simple A, B, C priority scheme is that first of all, you're spending less time picking your priority. And secondly, when you're planning your day, in that 5-minute planning period, you can look at your tasks and say "You know, I wanna work 8 hours today, I have one hour of meetings, so I'm down to 7 hours", and then you can look at your tasks and say "Is this more than 7 hours worth of work?". Because it's written, I can start actually doing this kind of planning, and say "That's more like 14 hours worth of work, so those C priorities and B priorities - I'm gonna move them to the next day's to-do-list." Or maybe, OK, I have time for my A's and my B's and the C's get moved.

The third version of my essay, “The Case for Drug Legalisation”, is now live, with several major improvements. They are in large part, thanks to someone who commented on my essay, and allowed me to use their text, and who chose to remain anonymous.

I have set up project pages for MikMod, a module files player, which I now maintain, and for Website META Language, a sophisticated HTML preprocessor, which I have also been maintaining and recently released its 2.2.0 version.

Also in the software section is a How to Contribute to my Projects sub-section with a concentrated and ongoing “HACKING” document.

And, naturally, there are also many smaller enhancements, such as new links, fixes for broken links, new <meta name="description" /> tags, and corrections of typos. I’ve also moved the site’s version control repository from a Subversion repository that required a username and password to access to a publicly-accessible Mercurial repository. More details can be found on the Site's Source Code page.

Current Mood: productive
Sunday, February 19th, 2012
7:49 pm
[shlomif]
Fifth Part of Perl for Perl Newbies and New Humour Items

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. I know I have not posted an update to this blog in a while, and in part it’s due to the fact that I have not done as much work on the site as I have before the previous update. But there is still some new things to look forward to.

Sophie: I’m hungry today.
Jack: well, wait until tomorrow - maybe this feeling will pass.

I’m now mirroring the “English is a Crazy Language” bit I found somewhere.

The fifth installment in the Perl for Perl Newbies series of presentations is now available online. This part covers good programming practices such as using a version control system, writing automated tests, and using accessors for objects. As with the previous parts, this talk is licensed under the Public Domain/CC-Zero.

There are new factoids in the factoids collection:

Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will understand what he means.

There are also many new UNIX-like fortune cookies:

• buu: PKRUMINS
• rindolf: pKrumins
• pkrumins: BYY
• rindolf: pkrumins: BUU
• rindolf: pkrumins: buu is back.
• pkrumins: rindolf: i know
• rindolf: pkrumins: he said he was close to disappearing.
• pkrumins: WHAT
• pkrumins: buu, is that true
• rindolf: pkrumins: he was sick.
• pkrumins: HE WASNT
• buu: =[
• buu: I was
• pkrumins: HOW
• buu: Genetic defects!
• pkrumins: OH NO
• pkrumins: OH NO NO NO
• mauke: substance abuuse
• buu: Owch
• buu: That joke almost qualifies as abuse
• mauke: now that I've hurt mst and buu, my work for today is done
• pkrumins: you still havent hurt me
• rindolf: mauke: hold on! You haven't hurt me yet.
• buu: haha
• * rindolf is hurt that mauke didn't hurt him.
• rindolf: Oh wait.
• mauke: just as keikaku.
• rindolf: mauke: OK, now your work for today is done.
• pkrumins: NO

I have added a review of Kent Beck’s Test Driven Development: By Example to the recommended books page.

The ABC Path game's generator module is now being mentioned in the Games ABC Path page, and the solver and generator were also ported to JavaScript.

More prominent editors and IDEs were added to the editors and IDEs page.

And as usual, there are many additional links on various pages of the site.

Current Mood: happy
Saturday, July 23rd, 2011
12:48 pm
[shlomif]
New Translations of Stories

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. The first highlight is that I’ve gone over the site and converted most ASCII single quotes and double quotes I could find to their Unicode equivalents. In the process, I corrected many typos, XHTML validation problems, and other issues.

The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.

There’s a translation of the of Human Hacking Field Guide to Written Arabic. This was done by Vieq - thanks!

The Hebrew translation of the screenplay Humanity - the Movie is now complete.

Furthermore, the XML-Grammar-Fiction page was enhanced with examples and links.

There’s a new Test.pm to Test::More partial converter, which may be of interest to programmers maintaining legacy Perl code.

Current Mood: productive
Friday, May 27th, 2011
6:29 pm
[shlomif]
Translations of Stories to Hebrew (For the Alternative Book Week)

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage. Most of these are ongoing translations of various English stories to Hebrew. These were done in preparation for the “Alternative Book Week” in Tel Aviv University (see its Facebook page). It is going to take place on Tuesday, 31 May 2011 between 09:30 and 16:30 in Tel Aviv University, next to the Gilman building, the department of Humanities. Several independent writers are going to read from their prose there, including me. You are welcome to attend, listen to the participating writers, and provide us with welcome support and input. Hope to see you there!

In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere.

I posted the first part of my Selena Mandrake - The Slayer screenplay to its place in FanFiction.net where one can rate it and post comments. There is some new text in the ideas for the future document.

I started preparing a Hebrew translation of my Humanity - The Movie screenplay.

There are two new fortunes in fortune collection.

We now mirror the web parody “Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?” (via Websurdity and Debunking 911).

The various screenplays in English in the stories section now have better capitalisation, punctuation and grammar, and their visual style was also improved. There are also many grammatical corrections to the story The Human Hacking Field Guide and a lot of progress was made in its Hebrew translation.

The XML-Grammar-Fiction page now contains coverage of Screenplay-Text and Screenplay-XML, as well as examples for the grammars and their outputs.

Enjoy!

Friday, May 13th, 2011
9:19 pm
[shlomifish]
“Selena Mandrake” and Improvements to Other Stories

Here is what’s new on Shlomi Fish’s Homepage since the last update. It’s been a month and there are many major changes.

A new work-in-progress screenplay titled Selena Mandrake - The Slayer can be found in the stories section. This is a supernatural dramedie, that is a parody/tribute/spin-off of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some other works of fiction and non-fiction. I have a pretty good roadmap for what I’d like to write there so I hope to get the first draft soon.

Selena: This reminds me. I really should update my Mandriva system at home. I have not in several days, now. And to think I originally had my friend Aaron install Mandrake Linux for me, because I thought it was cool that it was called the same as my last name.

Jessica: Heh, maybe you should become Selena Mandriva now.

Jonathan: Or Selena Mageia.

[ Selena bursts out laughing. ]

Selena: That sounds like a name of a vampire slayer… or a vampire.

Jonathan: Or both.

Selena: Yeah. I told you about how I was nicknamed “Puffy” and then “Buffy” during one summer camp, right?

Jessica: Yes, many times.

Selena: Yeah, I found it amusing at the time. For a while afterwards, I insisted that my friends call me “Buffy” until I realised it was silly, and reverted back to “Selena”.

I’ve also began translating the second version of my novella The Human Hacking Field Guide to Hebrew. One can find the ongoing Hebrew translation and its Fiction-Text source, under CC-by-sa - same licence as the English original. In addition, I can say that the story is being translated to Modern Standard Arabic in the OpenDocument format by an Egyptian enthusiast of open-source software, and more translations will be welcome.

In addition to all that, version 7 of my novella The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It, in Hebrew and English, with many improvements is now available online. I especially would like to thank Miriam Erez Translations for providing some copy-editing work.

Moreover, I explicitly marked many of the the works of fiction on the site, the essays, and the software resources with a Creative Commons licence. Share and enjoy!

There are some style tweaks, I’ve documented the use of the EvilPHish emblem, and there are some new fortune cookies:

• rindolf: Mithaldu: I think most contemporary T.V. kinda sucks.
• rindolf: Mithaldu: it seems very phony.
• Mithaldu: rindolf: same, i haven’t actually switched on my tv in five years
• rindolf: I prefer a YouTube video of a kitten riding on a turtle.
• rindolf: Mithaldu: :-)
• Mithaldu: :D
• rindolf: Mithaldu: yes.
• rindolf: Mithaldu: there is one, BTW.
• Mithaldu: oh i do not doubt that
• rindolf: Don’t know if it’s authentic.
• rindolf: I saw a friendly cat today, and he purred after I scratched his head.
• rindolf: I like Friendly cats.
• rindolf: I think lolcats are very subversive.
• rindolf: Or were.
• rindolf: “Ceiling cat is watching you”
• Mithaldu: cats are the definition of subversive
• rindolf: Mithaldu: heh.
• rindolf: In Soviet Russia, cats own you!
• rindolf: In Soviet Russia, cats are your master!
• rindolf: Well, in Soviet Russia and everywhere.
• kent\n: rindolf: you got it backwards.
• kent\n: In soviet russia, cats are actually your pets.
• Mithaldu: hahaha
• rindolf: kent\n: heh.
• rindolf: kent\n++
• rindolf: I feel better now.
• rindolf: Empowered but calm.
• rindolf: Thanks to the cats jokes.
• Mithaldu: world healing by cat jokes
• rindolf: Hopefully, I’ll sleep well tonight.
• kent\n: Next on the agenda. DICK JOKES!
• rindolf: Mithaldu: cats are good for healing I think.
• rindolf: kent\n: NO!!!!!
• kent\n: ( don’t worry, this won’t take long )
• Mithaldu: yes, as long as you do not own cables
• Mithaldu: kent\n: you mean it won’t BE very long
• Mithaldu: hurr hurr
• rindolf: kent\n: I’ve got 99 problems but kent\n ain’t one.
• kent\n: ;)

Hope you enjoy the new stuff on the site and stay tuned for more.

Current Mood: calm
Tuesday, April 5th, 2011
10:10 pm
[shlomif]
New and Improved Stories, Screenplays, Aphorisms and Bits

Here are the recent updates to Shlomi Fish’s Homepage since the last update. A long time has passed and there are many big and small changes, and I hope this summary will compensate for it.

There are new English and Hebrew versions of my story, The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight it, and some text was added to the front page. An even better version is currently being worked on in the Mercurial repository of the story.

There’s new text in the screenplay Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead”, in both parts of “The One with the Fountainhead” and in the Hebrew story “The Pope died on Sunday”:

[ Cut. End Credits. Phoebe is sitting on the coach reading the Fountainhead. ]

Phoebe: wow, I forgot how great the Fountainhead was. So what did Rand do afterwards?

Ross: well, she wrote the screenplay for the movie adaptation of the Book that starred Gary Copper…

Phoebe: oooh, yummy…

Ross: yes, well, and then she worked on Atlas Shrugged.

Phoebe: [in a lyrical fashion] “Atlas shrugged from side to side. ‘Alas, my end is near!’ the lady cried.”

Monica: ehmm… Pheebs? That’s “The mirror crack’d from side to side”.

Phoebe: oh! Ayn Rand wrote “The Mirror Crack’d” too?

Ross: no, Phoebe. That was Agatha Christie.

Phoebe: Oh! Everybody knows that Ayn Rand wrote all of Agatha Christie’s stories.

Chandler: [tongue-in-cheek]I can totally believe that, Pheebs.

After an almost complete lack of inspiration since its inception, there are now new Larry Wall Factoids:

Larry Wall does know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will think he’s not as awesome as he really is.

And as usual, there are also some new Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in Microsoft Notepad without having to use the backspace key. And it compiled without errors or warnings, and was 100% bug-free.

There’s now a script for displaying an individual quote of the UNIX-like fortune cookies with a random feature.

Speaking of fortune cookies, there are some new fortune cookies, and many of them have fixed typos:

Real programmers use a nice editor and a nice programming language and get it done in less than O(N!).

(Vanguard in Freenode’s ##programming)

Some of the aphorisms now have Hebrew translations:

אלהים נתן לנו שתי עיניים ועשר אצבעות, כדי שנקליד פי חמש יותר ממה שאנו קוראים.

Likewise, there’s now a Hebrew translation of “Ways to do it according to the programming languages of the world”:

• Perl - יש יותר מדרך אחת לעשות זאת.
• C++‎ - ישנן חמש דרכים לעשות זאת. שלוש מתוכן לא אמורות לעבוד.
• Visual Basic - הדרך היחידה לעשות זאת היא להשתמש ברכיב צד שלישי.
• ANSI C - יש, בדרך כלל, דרך אחת לעשות זאת, אבל יש יותר מדרך אחת לבצע אופטימיזציה.
• Java - יש בקושי דרך אחת לעשות זאת. (אבל בניגוד ל-C++‎, היא בטוח תעבוד.)
• Python - יש דרך אחת לעשות זאת. הדרך האחת האמיתית לעשות זאת. וישנן גם דרכים אחרות.

The funny bit “The S Stands for Simple” (about SOAP) is now mirrored on the site. I have also placed the stories by a writer by the name of Oded C. that he had sent me in the past (in Hebrew) on the site, and converted them to OpenDocument Text and to HTML using OpenOffice.org.

The Copyrights Page now spells out my interpretation of the various Creative Commons licences that I’m using:

The Public Domain / CC-Zero

If the work is marked as public domain, then you can freely redistribute it, modify it or build upon it, even without giving me credit. If you wish you may consider the work as licensed under the MIT/X11 licence, the CC-by licence (see below), or any other licence. What you cannot do is claim that you originated the original version, or sue me for any damages caused by using or misusing the information.

All of that put aside, if you find works under this licence useful, you are encouraged to credit me; share them under similar liberal licences; make a small donation, either in money for me and/or for a good cause, or by buying me interesting books, cool T-shirts, or alternatively audio or video files (only as digital files, for I lack the energy for pesky circular physical media), and naturally by sending me an appreciation note that you enjoyed them or found them of value. But I’m not forcing you to.

I’m using this licence for most of my photos (but not all of them), for some of my presentation material, and for some of my old code, or code that I find useful to dual-licence under it and the MIT/X11 licence.

The solver for the game ABC Path (by Otto Janko) is now available in the software section.

The XML-Grammar-Fiction homepage was improved with new content and some links to the similar efforts of Celtx and AsciiDoc.

There’s a new FAQ about the “EvilPHish” emblem in the top-left corner of this screen.

The technical talk “There are Too Many Ways to Do it” now contains notes in Hebrew which have been prepared in advance when giving it to the Tel Aviv Perl Mongers.

The main navigation menu on the left was revamped and converted to use JavaScript (which is not required to operate it). I’m planning to do further work on tweaking it in the near future. Moreover, there’s now a language switching widget on such pages as the “Ways to do it According to the Programming Languages of the World”.

Finally, I added some description of my psycho-medical condition to my Bio.

Hopefully, you enjoy these changes. More are upcoming.

Current Mood: accomplished
Thursday, January 6th, 2011
7:23 pm
[shlomif]
Essays about Bipolar Disorder and Open Source, new open source programs, and new humour items

I’m sorry for not updating the site’s news feeds for a long time, and as expected there’s quite a lot new.

There’s a new humorous bit in the Aphorisms collection:

Shlomi’s Father: If you don’t sort the dishwasher, the dishwasher won’t be sorted.

Shlomi: No, it won’t be sorted by me.

Shlomi’s Father: No, it won’t be sorted at all. We will throw away the dishwasher.

Together: Along with all the dishes.

There’s a new Chuck Norris fact:

Chuck Norris can make the statement “This statement is false.” a true one.

Due to an incident where one of my domains was blocked by a anti-spam blacklist, we now have an anti-spam Policy

I have a new page about me mentoring others in the world open source and/or open content. Also related is the new page about how to start contributing to open-source software.

I have made my essay titled “Dealing with Hypomanias” live and previously announced it on my non-technical blog. Also see a recent related post on the Just 1 Random Guy comics/blog about his experience as a person with Bipolar disorder.

There’s a a new greasemonkey script for expanding the descriptions of Freshmeat.net.

The Black Hole Solitaire Solver page now includes a description of the tables in the SQLite dump that collected the data from running the solver on the first 1 million deals of PySolFC.

There’s a new solver for Kakuraso which is a puzzle game that can be found on the Brain Bashers site. That solver was written in Python using lp_solve.

Another new project is Module-Format, which is a Perl 5 module to perform bulk operations on the various notations for Perl modules.

The Linux Kernel “make xconfig” enhancement patch was updated for the newly released 2.6.37 kernel.

I’ve also updated my resumes.

The site’s building instructions were updated but may still be incomplete.

Current Mood: happy
Saturday, October 9th, 2010
2:05 pm
[shlomif]
New humorous bits, fortune cookies, and updated software

There’s a new humorous bit titled “Copying Ubuntu Bug No. 1”. It was also featured on my tech blog where it received several comments.

Tel Aviv, Israel: “Ubuntu can’t have all the fun only for itself”, open source distributors are saying as they rush to copy its Bug No. 1 titled “Microsoft has a majority market share”.

Debian, Ubuntu’s parent distribution, has set up Debian Bug No. 1 which also reads “Microsoft has a majority market share”. Mandriva, another competing distribution has set up Mandriva Bug No. 1: “Microsoft has a majority market share and Ubuntu has a majority market share on the Linux desktop”. Fedora, Gentoo, Archlinux, Slackware and other distributions are expected to follow suit.

Speaking of Ubuntu, tomorrow it would be 10-October-2010 - 10.10.10 and it would be the release date of Ubuntu 10.10 codenamed “Maverick Meerkat”.

There’s a new page with a Hebrew translation of the song “Buy the Fish” from my Humanity - The Movie screenplay.

There are new fortune cookies in the fortune cookies collection and the RSS feed has now been fixed (the corresponding Atom feed is still broken due to a bug in the XML::Atom CPAN module).

Often when I ask the people I train if they know Perl, they tell me “I don’t know Perl. I can only read it.”. I wonder whether it indicates that Perl is not a write-only language as some people like to claim.

The solver for Black Hole solitaire was converted to C, which made it much faster and less memory-hungry. The results and statistics of running it on the first 1 million PySolFC Black Hole deals are available in the link.

Version 1.03 of libtap, a C library for testing using the Test Anything Protocol (TAP) is now available with several improvements.

Many of the code excerpts in the Perl for Newbies series were corrected for Modern Perl practices.

The website also now has a better “404” page, and as usual there are many new links in the various pages. Enjoy!

Current Mood: productive
Saturday, August 7th, 2010
3:02 pm
[shlomif]
“COBOL - The New Age Programming Language”, “Don’t Abuse JavaScript”, and other news

NASA Uses COBOL.

And so do:

A new page “Don’t Abuse JavaScript!” has been added.

JavaScript has become popular due to being useful for scripting browsers, which is acceptable due to being the only commonly-acceptable portable choice for that. However, lately, it has been utilised as a host language for many other realms where there are far saner and superior alternatives.

This page aims to explain why JavaScript should not be abused for such stuff.

• dxtr: Do we have any doctors in here?
• rindolf: dxtr: with Ph.D. or M.D.?
• munik: I have a PhD in Linguistics!
• munik: ^ lie
• munik: :]
• dxtr: rindolf: I don’t care as long as they can treat patients
• rindolf: dxtr: heh.
• munik: :o
• munik: webmd.com
• munik: might be better than #perl
• dxtr: rindolf: That question would be fun in combat. “WE NEED A DOCTOR HERE!” - “PH.D OR M.D!?”

More recommended open source programs have been added to the favourite open source programs page, including Xfce, Pidgin, tmux and htop.

The Cross-platform abstraction libraries is now licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 licence.

There’s now a list of calculators on the numerical software page.

There are new links in the “Stop Using Internet Explorer” page the anti-Apple page, and in the PHP Sucks page,

A greasemonkey script to fix a qa.mandriva.com annoyance has been added to the Greasemonkey scripts section. Furthermore, the remove “from=rss” script was updated to deal with the even more obnoxious “from=rss” suffix in recent URLs.

I added details of my Acer Laptop to the “Computers’ Specifications” question on the FAQ.

The site’s source page was updated with up-to-date instructions.

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