Shlomi Fish (shlomif) wrote in shlomif_hsite,
Shlomi Fish

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Muppets ; Emma Watson Tech Interview ; New Aphorisms and Factoids

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

  1. The set of screenplays “The Muppet Show: The Next Incarnation” is me taking the initiative for writing screenplays for a new incarnation of The Muppet Show. Currently, there’s a mostly complete episode with Chuck Norris and Summer Glau as two ruthless Grammar Nazis, another incomplete episode hosting some of the characters of Harry Potter, and a preliminary-stages episode with Jennifer Lawrence (crossing Silver Linings Playbook, The Hunger Games, and her personal life).

    “Meet Chuck”

    [ The Muppet Show Theatre backstage. Kermit and Fozzy are there.

    ChuckN enters through the door. ]

    Kermit: Oh hello, Mr. Norris. We’re so glad to have you here, and we would love to learn more about you.

    ChuckN: Thank you, Kermit. You can learn more about me from my 500-page autobiography, which took me an hour to write, and from the comprehensive book of Factoids about me, of which I wrote every one.

    Fozzy: Funny! Funny!

    ChuckN: Indeed. Anyway, I invited a friend of mine, who is even crazier than I am, to join us.

    Kermit: Really, who is this crazy guy?

    ChuckN: Actually, it’s a crazy girl.

    [ SGlau jumps from above the frame to the upper row and then down to where Kermit and Fozzy are standing. Applause. She is wearing a grey, military-style vest with a zipper at the front. ]

    Kermit: Oh, nice to see you here, Ms. Glau.

    SGlau: Shut up, Mr. Frog! I’m here on a mission from the Grammar God. Herr Norris and I are loyal servants of Grammar Nazism, which aims to unite Grammar Europe under the reign of the Third Grammar Reich.

    ChuckN and SGlau: [in unison] Hail Grammar!

    [ Miss Piggy is walking along the upper row with a fellow pig. ]

    Miss Piggy: Well, I don’t think that Miss Mousy is prettier than me.

    [ A shot sounds and Miss Piggy's hat is blown away. Cut to SGlau, who is holding a gun in her left hand. ]

    SGlau: That was a warning shot, Fräulein Piggy. For your information, it should be “is prettier than I”.

    ChuckN and SGlau: [in unison] Hail Grammar!

    SGlau: Let’s go.

    SGlau: By the way, herr Frog: it is not that hard to be green.

    [ They go out of the frame. ]

    Kermit: Meep. I have a bad feeling about all that.

  2. “Emma Watson getting interviewed for a software developer job”: there is now an ongoing campaign to make that bit CC-by, so please pledge money if possible. Furthermore, I started adding a “What other people are saying” section:

    • «I would not hire Emma Watson. She’d be good for employee morale, but she’d also be too distracting.» - osoleve on Freenode’s ##programming.

    • «I think we would hire Emma Watson on looks alone. :)» — glange on Freenode’s #objectivism.

  3. There are several new aphorisms (some along with captioned images) in the Aphorisms and Quotes page. One of them is «A woman is a lady even if she is or was a porn actress or a prostitute. Treat her with respect, be honest to her — be a gentleman.», which is relevant to the recent celebrity photo leak.

  4. There are new humorous facts in the collection of factoids:

    • Emma Watson does not have 10 years of experience in developing Enterprise Java software. However, she has over 10 years of experience in getting shit done - well, on schedule, and at a reasonable cost.

    • Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.

    • Xena the Warrior Princess has not met Chuck Norris yet, or otherwise he would have been badly and permanently injured. (Inspired by ZadYree).

  5. There’s a new collection of fortune cookies with quotes from the sitcom The Big Bang Theory.

  6. There are also new quotes in the Fortune Cookie/Quote collection:

    • rindolf: thecha: hi, what's up?
    • thecha: not much. I am running my trisquel gnu/linux from an usb now
    • thecha: and you?
    • rindolf: thecha: I've been redditting and twittering.
    • rindolf: thecha: and I went on a walk now.
    • pulse: hi rindolf
    • rindolf: thecha: I met a father with two children. he scolded them.
    • rindolf: thecha: I asked him for their names and he said "why does it matter?" :-(
    • rindolf: pulse: hi.
    • rindolf: I also saw a lady sitting on a bench with two Pekinese dogs - one male and one female.
    • rindolf: they barked at me.
    • rindolf: Maybe she was afraid of me (their owner I mean).
    • ezrios: dogs bark at everything
    • rindolf: I also saw some bird watchers in the park earlier in the morning.
    • rindolf: ezrios: some dogs are amazingly calm.
    • rindolf: ezrios: I once met a huge Caucasian Shepherd dog who was less than one years old and called "Rambo" who was super-calm.
    • rindolf: His owner was also very friendly.
    • ezrios: a super-calm Rambo eh
    • epitamizor: cool story bro
    • rindolf: They say the dog and its owner resemble each other.
    • rindolf: epitamizor: every story is cool with the right attitude.
    • rindolf: epitamizor: - see this.
    • rindolf: ezrios: yes , amazing.
    • rindolf: ezrios: Rambo was the epitome of a tough all powerful super-muscular anti-geeky warrior/action-hero.
    • rindolf: ezrios: but the fact of the matter is that the best combat warriors in the world are: 1. Not very muscular. 2. Geeks.
    • rindolf:
    • thecha: ok i will try
    • thecha: the dog probably ws being agressive because the owners mood was affecting him
    • thecha: the owner probably was being hostile so the dog followed suit
    • thecha: and the guy with the kids should have just said the names isntead of being a dick about it
    • thecha: you go for walks often?
    • rindolf: thecha: yes, I go for walks a lot.
    • rindolf: thecha: yes, this father should learn some things after fatherhood.
    • rindolf: thecha: the children were nice.
    • rindolf: Oh! and on the way upstairs there was a very young boy with a toy gun and I pretended to wage an imaginary war with him. He enjoyed it.
    • thecha: rindolf-> who won the imaginary shoot out?
    • rindolf: thecha: he did I think.
    • rindolf: thecha: I let him win.
    • rindolf: thecha: he seemed to have enjoyed it.
    • rindolf: thecha: children can be so smart.
    • pulse: i don't think age has anything to do with smartness
    • rindolf: thecha: and it helped brighten my day.
    • rindolf: pulse: yes.
    • rindolf: pulse: I have actually grown smarter with age.
    • pulse: i've grown wiser. not much smarter
    • rindolf: pulse: ah.
    • rindolf: pulse: what's your distinction?
    • rindolf: pulse: I've grown wiser too.
    • pulse: smart is the ability to calculate things fast
    • pulse: wise is the ability to live your life ;)
    • rindolf: pulse: there are more parameters to intelligence than doing fast calculations.
    • pulse: i guess there's certain correlation between the two
    • rindolf: pulse: yes.
    • pulse: i know. there's different types of intelligence
    • pulse: but most types boil down to two things. calculations and speed
    • rindolf: pulse: ah. IQ?
    • pulse: any kind of intelligence
    • pulse: IQ is a sort of generalization of all types
    • rindolf: pulse: see - «Forget #IQ! #Sloppy → #Confident → #Smart!! #TeamGrimmie #confidence #competence #PublishOrPerish»
    • pulse: but it's also stupid
    • pulse: rindolf, hmm
    • pulse: what am i supposed to see there :P
    • pulse: i still don't know how twitter works
    • pulse: what are those hashtags supposed to be
    • pyon: rindolf: Meh, sloppiness is just sloppiness.
    • pyon: rindolf: One can be flexible without lowering one's own standards.
    • thecha: rindolf you can't let the enemy win
    • rindolf: thecha: yes, bring the Delta Team with Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stalone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and.. Summer Glau (!♥:-)) against this boy.
    • rindolf: there shall be blood tonight!
    • ssta: you really are obsessed with this Summer Glau
  7. Navigation blocks, similar to the ones on Wikipedia (e.g: “Template:Star Trek” have been added to some of the pages (like here.

  8. I have a new Résumé as a writer and entertainer, which is very short.

  9. My essay “Putting all the Cards on the Table (2013)” has been updated and is now available in several different formats, including a one HTML-page-per-section document, an EPUB ebook, and a PDF file.

  10. My personal ad (= “I’m looking for a girlfriend”) was heavily updated - it’s currently in English only.

  11. Many new scenes have been added to the screenplay “Buffy - a Few Good Slayers”:

    With Buffy

    Becky: Of course, everyone knows that Buffy is better than Chuck [Buffy Facts]. He’s been secretly fighting against her, and so far has lost all of those battles.

    Cliff: Yeah, and her gaze can turn Medusa into stone!

    Chankey: Buffy Summers is not afraid of demons. Demons are afraid of her, and for a very good reason.

    Buffy’s voice: Buffy Summers is always there when people are spreading untrue hyperboles about her.

    Cliff: Oh, hello Ms. Summers.

    [ Buffy approaches them from a different aisle in the library. ]

    Buffy: Hello, kids.

    Cliff: By the way, what is your post-marriage name?

    Buffy: It’s “Summers”. Angel and I are both called that. He didn’t find his original family name usable in this day and age, so he adopted mine. His original name was very aristocratic, and he is actually a direct male descendent of Charlemagne.

    Becky: Ooh… so you are now Milady de Summers? Awesome!

    Buffy: Heh, well, it is Faith that has an unnatural obsession with Milady de Winter — not me.

    Buffy: In any case, for your information, I fought against Chuck Norris several times and lost all the battles. In fact, that was part of the catalyst that made us realise that slayers were only humans and that men can be equally as capable slayers as women. You will hopefully get a chance to meet and even fight against Mr. Norris sometime throughout the school year.

    Becky: I see. So, Ms. Summers, what are you doing here in the library?

    Buffy: I’m looking for a book I misplaced.

    Becky: About slaying?

    Buffy: No, about cooking. A cookbook from the late 60s with a nice spinach, Broccoli and cheese casserole.

    Becky: [Types a few things on the keyboard.] Ms. Summers, I was able to find a recipe for a casserole like that from that era.

    Buffy: Let me see. [Looks] Wow! Looks great. Becky, you've got a lot of potential as a slayer.

    Becky: Why, thank you!

    Cliff: Bleh! [He puts his head in his hands.]

Tags: buffy, chuck norris, emwatson, facts, humor, humour, muppets, open, screenplays, stories, summer glau
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