Shlomi Fish (shlomif) wrote in shlomif_hsite,
Shlomi Fish
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Emma Watson’s Visit to Israel&Gaza ; “So, Who the Hell is Qoheleth?”

Here are the recent updates for Shlomi Fish’s Homepage.

  1. “Emma Watson’s Visit to Israel and Gaza” is a work-in-progress Real Person fiction screenplay which aims to bring Shalom to the turbulent Gaza Strip/Israel border:

    Waitress: I hope you’re having a good time, ah…

    EmWatson: Emma… Emma Watson!

    Waitress: Oh! I heard about you, naturally. Are you gonna threaten me with a wand? Heh!

    EmWatson: A wand… yes, the bane of my existence. I’m thinking of collecting money for a public campaign to convert the weapon most associated with me to something more menacing.

    Waitress: Don’t you have enough money for that?

    EmWatson: No, not enough! Heh. And money isn’t everything.

    Waitress: So you’re not playing in films for money?

    EmWatson: Playing in films for money? Of course not! What a preposterous idea.

    Waitress: Ah, nice.

    EmWatson: I’m playing in films for a shitload of money!

  2. “So, who the Hell is Qoheleth?” - is a new illustrated screenplay that tells what I imagine to have happened to the author of the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes / Qoheleth shortly after he has written it. The timing is appropriate because Ecclesiastes is being read during the upcoming Sukkot Jewish holiday.

    Josephus: Anyway, can you share some details about your trip? I never ventured a long way past Damascus.

    Athena: Sure! It was very interesting. Most interesting.

    Athena: We travelled with our own people and some Greek merchants, all the way to Athens, and there we hitchhiked a ride with some Assyrian merchants, hoping it will get us closer to Alexandria. There were some guards escorting us, and at one point they disarmed us and threatened us at sword’s point to have sex with them or else they'll kill us and take all our possessions.

    Josephus: Wow! Rape. So what did you do?

    Athena: Well, we consulted between ourselves and after a long while of being really scared, we calmed down a little, and decided that if we are forced to have sex, we might as well cooperate and try to enjoy it. So we told them that we’ll do it willingly and they agreed.

    Josephus: How clever of you! And then what happened.

    Athena: Well, the three of us and her lover each found their own part of the woods, and we had sex. Then, after one or two times, the three men all lost stamina, while we were not completely satisfied and cried for more!

    [ Josephus laughs. ]

    Alexis: Yes! Then we heard each other’s cries and we gathered at one place together still naked with our clothes as cover, and we bitched about the whole situation - in Greek - and the men stood there ashamed.

    Athena: Yes! Anyway, we continued as couples throughout the trip and the men got better in love making as time went by, and they also taught us a little Aramaic. Then we arrived at the junction - they wanted to go to Assyria, and we wanted to head more south, and then all the 6 of us were completely emotional and offered each other to escort them on the way, so we won’t part, but we eventually cared enough about the others to let them go on their own way.

    Josephus: Wow! That sounds like love.

    Athena: Love! Yes! That’s the word. Eros in action.

  3. A new essay A #SummerNSA’s Reading has been added for summarising the concentrated “#SummerNSA” / Summerschool at the NSA effort during the summer of 2014.

  4. There are new factoids in the Facts Collection:

    “Talk Like a Pirate Day” is the only day of the year when Chuck Norris only talks like a pirate, and does not actually act like one.

    On Yom Kippur (= the Jewish Day of Atonement), Chuck Norris forgives God for his sins.

    Chuck Norris once refactored a 10 million lines C++ program and was done by lunch time. It then took Summer Glau 5 minutes to write the equivalent Perl 10-liner.

  5. There are some new captioned images and aphorisms:

    Every mighty Klingon warrior has Watched Sesame Street

    Every Mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame Street!

  6. The screenplay Buffy: A Few Good Slayers has some new scenes:

    [ Faith is teaching Becky and the rest of the class how to throw knives. ]

    Faith: Becky, it’s nice that you hit the mark three times in succession, but you’re not always holding the knife correctly.

    Becky: OK, Ms. Harris. Can you show me how to do that again? [She prepares her phone.]

    Faith: OK, here goes.

    [ Cut to the bullseye - three knives hit it quickly. ]

    Faith: How´s that?

    Becky: That’s very nice, but as my mobile‘s video demonstrates, you didn’t hold the knife “correctly” (in quotes) once.

    Faith: Let me see. [She watches the video.] Oh crap.

    Faith: Becky, Becky… you have a lot of potential. You’re more than a pretty face.

    Becky: Heh, I knew that I have potential, but do you really think I have a pretty face?

    Faith: If my opinion as a straight, married, woman, matters, I think you do.

    Becky: Thanks, Ms. Harris.

    Faith: OK, class dismissed. Please try to practise at your free time, we’re going to have a test soon.

    [ The students rise up and leave. ]

Tags: bible, buffy, chuck norris, ecclesiastes, emwatson, facts, humor, humour, open, screenplays, stories, sukkot, summer glau
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